TALES FROM THE SIMP: A LESSON LEARNED

 



This is a cautious tale of what happens when you invest in a woman who is looking for help instead of love.



I met a girl on the inter webs, smoking hot. We talk, she seems cool as fuck. We exchange numbers and start texting. A day later I get nudes without asking. She’s in a shit relationship and wants out. I tell her I’ll come to Idaho and see her which I do. In the course of taking she says why don’t I just come back to Texas with you. Cool, I’m down. So I drive to my home with her and she moves in. I’m paying everything since she has no job yet. My apartment is too small and only has one bedroom so where is her son gonna sleep when he comes? So I move, $600 increase in rent. Which I’m still paying even after she gets a job. No worries, things are good, sex is great. I’m
Paying to fly her back to see her kid. I go all out for her kid’s birthday. I really like the little dude and he gets attached to me.

Fast forward where she gets all butthurt over stupid little shit I did or didn’t do and she always thinks I’m after other women. Meanwhile she is posting thirsty shit on Instagram. She suddenly gets very protective of her phone. There is a laundry list of other shit too long and painful to list here. Shit I should have seen. But turned a blind eye to.

She wants be to give up my job and go to Utah because she hates Texas and wants to be closer to her kid. Who she sees 4 times a month. I originally agree until I find out I’d be taking a $20,000 a year pay cut and lose my retirement. In 15 years I get 73.6% of whatever my highest salary is. So when I tell her I’m not gonna go she flips out and moves out.

I had bought her kid a tablet to use. As well a shit ton of other stuff. So one morning I’m like “what the fuck did I do with that tablet?” I find it and start to use it. I download Instagram and it takes me to her account. I read her messages and she was flirting with other dudes and talking shit about me as far back as June ( this is September)

So when I call her out on it she tries to blame me why the fuck would I look at her shit. Cuz you left it on my property. And then tries to justify her actions saying that I lied ( about brushing the dog and cleaning the car box) and that I broke her trust. I’ve never cheated in my life. She then tells me “men taught me how to cheat, men taught me how to lie.” Then proceeds to tell me she believes in Karma and that I will get mine for going into her private messages.

The tale is much more involved but I’m sure you stopped reading 5 minutes ago. Point: I was an upstanding man who treated her like gold and she fucked me over. Blamed her childhood, her past shit relationships, everything but herself. Because she had “ morals and values” And was all about “god”.

#NATESEASON

Ladies & Gentleman it is officially Nate season. A lot of broads will be in a bind, and they'll be contacting their "Nate" to pay some bills. You know that iPhone 11 isn't going to pay it self. "You know what you gotta do Stony"Check out the key dates of #NateSeason

Nate Season by R. Ahkbar

Summer: Ho3s with kids need somewhere to dump their kids during the day while they engage in hoe activities but that shit ain’t free and they’ve already planned to squander their money by going in on an interior room on the bottom deck of a cruise ship with 8 other hoes
Back to School time: After living their best lives all summer, these hoes with kids are looking for handouts for school clothes, school supplies and shoes. However, they usually miss the free giveaways and end up “in a bind”
Christmas: Usually these broke ass hoes can’t even buy their kids anything nice for Christmas. Hell they can barely afford rent if they’re not living with their mother or grandmother. In comes Nate! “You know what you gotta do, Stony!”

Also: 1st of the month, birthdays, Thanksgiving and Spring Break.

TALES FROM THE SIMP: THE WALL

Before we start the first installment of Tales From The Simp, take a look at this picture:

This is a sad case of simping. But it can be used as a valuable lesson. When she hits the proverbial wall, she'll be begging for a nice guy to take her out on dates. And that brings us to the following story.





When I was in high school I met a girl that was friends with my homeboy’s sister. I liked her but she liked all the flashy dope boy types. I used to be the friend that she would call about those guys (Sad I know). Anyway she knew I was smart so whenever we were class together she would partner up with me. I was dumb enough to think that she liked me. I would do all the work and she would claim half the credit. Fast forward to college: we go to the same school. She is single so I decide to write her a letter detailing how I felt. “Those other guys are no good.” “I’ll treat you right” all that BS. She never responds. I never say anymore about it. I never ask her out. I barely talk to her except when I would see her in school. But I start getting more attention from other women. She starts seeing me with other women. She starts dropping subliminals “You look like a player” “You got all the women” She even tells a mutual friend that “ I won’t give her any play.” I graduated first and I don’t see her for a while. But then I get a job working in the same building as her but a different company. I see her about 10 years from college. About 70+ pounds heavier and of course a single mother. She wants to know when we will hang out. I tell her I don’t hang out much. I just work and go to the gym. She mentions a kid no husband and deflects when I ask about the father. When we’re done talking I tell my other friend that I ran into her. He asks what does she look like. I send him this picture. He calls me back and says that she looks like a cheeseburger

and that I dodged a bullet. I haven’t seen her since. The End.