TALES FROM THE SIMP: THE WALL

Before we start the first installment of Tales From The Simp, take a look at this picture:

This is a sad case of simping. But it can be used as a valuable lesson. When she hits the proverbial wall, she'll be begging for a nice guy to take her out on dates. And that brings us to the following story.





When I was in high school I met a girl that was friends with my homeboy’s sister. I liked her but she liked all the flashy dope boy types. I used to be the friend that she would call about those guys (Sad I know). Anyway she knew I was smart so whenever we were class together she would partner up with me. I was dumb enough to think that she liked me. I would do all the work and she would claim half the credit. Fast forward to college: we go to the same school. She is single so I decide to write her a letter detailing how I felt. “Those other guys are no good.” “I’ll treat you right” all that BS. She never responds. I never say anymore about it. I never ask her out. I barely talk to her except when I would see her in school. But I start getting more attention from other women. She starts seeing me with other women. She starts dropping subliminals “You look like a player” “You got all the women” She even tells a mutual friend that “ I won’t give her any play.” I graduated first and I don’t see her for a while. But then I get a job working in the same building as her but a different company. I see her about 10 years from college. About 70+ pounds heavier and of course a single mother. She wants to know when we will hang out. I tell her I don’t hang out much. I just work and go to the gym. She mentions a kid no husband and deflects when I ask about the father. When we’re done talking I tell my other friend that I ran into her. He asks what does she look like. I send him this picture. He calls me back and says that she looks like a cheeseburger

and that I dodged a bullet. I haven’t seen her since. The End.